The sun is starting to shine and life is returning to more than just the trees and the grass. It seems like every year, winter puts me in a stupor, and with spring, I come out of it like a leave on a tree, budding from...well a bud lol. This year is gonna be great. I'm finally going to be making a step forward in my life instead of a step backward. I finally feel ready to move back out on my own. I'm planning on starting apartment searching in May, with the goal being that I move out end of May/Early Junish.
Getting out on my own sets a lot of plans in motion, but it will also prove to cause a few challenges. Like, if I'm living in the city, how will I get to church? Well, with patience, the solution will arise, I'm sure. Moving back into the city means I'll have more resources and time at my disposal. Instead of getting off work at 330, and not getting home till 6, I'll be getting off at 330 and getting home at 430 the latest. Meaning, I'll be home to make important phonecalls during businesses business hours lol.
I've finally matured financially. I'm able to save instead of spend, pay my bills first, instead of buy new stuff. It's key, really. When I first moved out on my own, I was so distracted by starting University, learning to live on my own kinda took a backseat, and by the time I figured it out, I was over my head. This time living at my mom's has helped me reach the surface, and get on dry land again. Ready for another plunge so to speak.
I really like where my guitar playing and song writing is taking me. I really do. I have been writing lots of songs lately, and I am gonna share one that I wrote last spring, and I actually have a weak recording of it.
Here's the lyrics. (Just ignore the chords, they aren't the actual ones)
Verse (DmDmAmG)
a hole in the wall
a fist to my head
a shuddering crash
as I'm flung to the floor
all of this pain
it seems so unfair
I need someplace to run
I need someplace to hide
And then someone came to me
shared with me your word
I was lifted up
I was given hope
Taken from that dark place
surrounded by your light
I started feeling awesome
I simply started feeling
prechorus(CAmEm)
I felt like I could do anything I wanted to
I felt like I had the whole world in my hands
I gave myself wings and tried to soar high
but you came
to set me straight
and I sank
chorus(CEmCEmCAmEm)
Deeper than the sea
You'll tear me down
Even from mount everest
you tear me down
I'm nothing Lord, I'm nothing Lord
compared to you
Our heads are getting bigger
thinking that we're in control
As great as I become
to the eyes of man
I'm nothing Lord, I'm nothing Lord
Please tear me down
=====
Verse
Lord, you revealed to me
just what I must do
help me to set forth
simply doing your will
Lord I'm not perfect
But I think I'm dang close
I bask in your glory
and walk in your word
the people they love me
they want to follow
the path I am leading
the path into heaven
Deep in my heart rots
sin, disgusting and vile
pride and envy inside
I was dirt in your eyes
prechorus 2
I was thinking I could do anything I wanted to
I was thinking I had the whole world in my hands
I was trying to fly higher on my self given wings
but you came
to set me straight
and I sank
chorus
bridge:EmCAmEm
Ruin me Lord, oh tear me down
So I may be lifted up
Break me Lord, oh tear me down
I am yours, your will be done.
And here is a link to the recording\
http://innovativedivergence.com/Songs/Tear%20Me%20Down.mp3
It sounds kinda wierd, but thats because I recorded this back when I was still figuring out how I wanted it to sound. It's a little more refined now, just haven't had a chance to rerecord it.
Tear Me Down, it's sort of a reflection of my young life. The start is a bit of an analogy about my younger life, about how I was beaten down, and then help came and I was lifted up, and eventually I started trying to go on my own without help, and I needed to be taken down a notch. The second part of the verses is about having gotten straight with my walk, but still trying to go about it on my own without him, and once again, needing to be taken down a notch. Compared to him, we're nothing, and the moment we start thinking we're something, we start going on that path towards trying to walk without him. Without him, you can't go anywhere, and anywhere you do get, is because of him. Without him we're weak, we're nothing.
Are you confused yet?
Wednesday, 24 March, 2010
Monday, 5 October, 2009
The Great Wave
"Hey mom, how much longer till we get there?" I yelled up to the front of the caravan that was making it's way along the mountain path
"It's just around the bend!" She shouted back down the line
And sure enough, just as the sun was starting to get blotted out by the advancing tidal wave, the caravan circled around an array of boulders. Nestled in the crater from an ancient meteor strike was a towering glass structure. Walkways and catwalks rising up nearly as tall as the circle of mountains surrounding it. This was the safehouse that we'd been searching for. When news of the rising sea and the imminent tidal waves which threatened to flood the land came to our village, we had set out in search of this tall structure. It was our hope to live her so that the waves wouldn't kill us.
We made our way into the crater and were greeted by a strange man in a long brown coat. He led us into a glass stable where we stored the oxen and the carts. Several muscular men came and unloaded our supplies onto the elevator and I watched as everything we owned rose up into the sky.
As we made our way from the stables to the base of the structure, the wave was no longer in the distance. It seemed like you could reach out and touch it.
Seeing the look on my face, the strange man spoke up "Don't worry, the worst we have to worry about is getting a little wet. The mountains around us will stop the water. We'll be our own little island in the middle of a watery abyss"
Somehow it didn't do anything to ease my apprehension.
Soon we were settled into our rooms, and my mom was busy cooking something on the stove. It smelled like some kind of meat but I hadn't taken time to look. My attention was on the approaching wave. It was coming and coming fast. I didn't understand how no one else could be worried. Such a huge wave couldn't possibly be stopped by such small mountains. However, I guess in such a dire situation, where there really is no hope, people hold on to whatever hope they can grab onto. What point is there in worrying if there isn't anything you can possibly do.
My attention was diverted from the window as my mother called out that dinner was ready. I sat down at the little table in the room and looked down at my plate. It turns out that my mom was cooking fish. It struck me as slightly ironic that we were eating something we were about to become. Dead fish.
I took my plate and went to sit by the window so that I could watch the wave still. As I sat down, idly chewing on a bit of fish, I saw that the wave had reached the mountains. The fish caught in my throat as I saw the mountains get swallowed by the wave. From a distance, the wave looked like it was the same size as the mountains, but up close, the mountains were miniscule. The wave didn't even slow as it went past. My fork fell from my hands as I stared out the window, my eyes even with the top of the wave. Suddenly, the flight instinct kicked in and I turned yelling to my mother.
"Grab onto something, NOW!"
She looked startled, but then she saw past me to the window. Almost too late, she grabbed onto the ornamental post that decorated the entrance into the kitchen. I had managed to grip the old fashioned radiator that was bolted to the floor just as the wave crashed into the structure. There was a giant shudder, and I saw my mother fall for a second before she was able to grab onto the pillar again. It seemed to be over before it even started. Once the shuddering stopped, I relinquished my anchoring and peered out the window. The wave was gone, but in the distance I could see another coming fast. The crater was completely flooded in, and the water was still rising as the next wave approached.
I knew that the next wave would flood the level my mother and I were on.
"We have to go higher mom, lets go" I commanded.
She let go of her pillar and came with me out the door of the room. To the left was a series of catwalks and stairs and ladders making their way up higher. For some reason, I hadn't noticed these when we'd arrived at the structure, but I thanked the gods now that they were there. We hurried over to the first ladder and started climbing.
Once we reached the top of that ladder and started along a catwalk towards a set of stairs, the next wave hit. Everything shuddered, and my mom almost lost her balance and fell off, but I was able to grab her in time. The shudder didn't last long and we continued on our way. I could feel the mist of the frothing water just below our current catwalk. Another wave was coming fast, not to far behind the last and I urged my mother to go faster.
The next wave got there just as we got to the top of yet another ladder. Thankfully we were high enough for the wave not to get us, but they were getting closer and closer.
We rushed along another catwalk to a ramp that went up to another catwalk. We came to a set of stairs that had been damaged. A few steps had crumbled and cracked and fallen away leaving one big cliff like step. Since I was stronger, and would be able to pull my mom up, I had her boost me up so I could get on top. It took awhile, but I was able to get up.
The delay proved to be very disastrous. I reached over the ledge and grabbed onto my mother's arms to pull her up. Just then then next wave hit. I watched my mothers face cringe in pain as the force of the wave and the icy cold water rushed into her. Her hands were torn from my grip as I watched her get swept away with the wave. I watched in horror as she tried to swim in vain as the under current pulled her under. The last I saw of her was a few splashes and a couple bubbles and then she was gone.
I cried out in anguish, but logic prevailed and I turned to ascend the rest of the ladders and stairs. But when I turned, I saw that the concussion of the last wave had destroyed everything else. I could go no further. I stood there on my little island of glass, the water rising above my ankles as the wind caused by the waves swept my hair. I stared at the next wave as it came rushing towards me. This one seemed to come slower, almost as if to taunt me. To laugh in my face. I could just imagine the water speaking.
"I'm going to enjoy this so much. That last one was so tasty"
I screamed in rage and anguish. A beastly roar. It was cut off as the wave crashed into me. I felt water rush down my throat for my mouth had been open. My arms and legs were numb instantly from the cold of the water. I couldn't even swim. I could feel bubbles rising along my face as the last of my breath was expelled. I felt myself being pulled under into the darkness. My conciousness fading away. Darkness. Nothing.
"It's just around the bend!" She shouted back down the line
And sure enough, just as the sun was starting to get blotted out by the advancing tidal wave, the caravan circled around an array of boulders. Nestled in the crater from an ancient meteor strike was a towering glass structure. Walkways and catwalks rising up nearly as tall as the circle of mountains surrounding it. This was the safehouse that we'd been searching for. When news of the rising sea and the imminent tidal waves which threatened to flood the land came to our village, we had set out in search of this tall structure. It was our hope to live her so that the waves wouldn't kill us.
We made our way into the crater and were greeted by a strange man in a long brown coat. He led us into a glass stable where we stored the oxen and the carts. Several muscular men came and unloaded our supplies onto the elevator and I watched as everything we owned rose up into the sky.
As we made our way from the stables to the base of the structure, the wave was no longer in the distance. It seemed like you could reach out and touch it.
Seeing the look on my face, the strange man spoke up "Don't worry, the worst we have to worry about is getting a little wet. The mountains around us will stop the water. We'll be our own little island in the middle of a watery abyss"
Somehow it didn't do anything to ease my apprehension.
Soon we were settled into our rooms, and my mom was busy cooking something on the stove. It smelled like some kind of meat but I hadn't taken time to look. My attention was on the approaching wave. It was coming and coming fast. I didn't understand how no one else could be worried. Such a huge wave couldn't possibly be stopped by such small mountains. However, I guess in such a dire situation, where there really is no hope, people hold on to whatever hope they can grab onto. What point is there in worrying if there isn't anything you can possibly do.
My attention was diverted from the window as my mother called out that dinner was ready. I sat down at the little table in the room and looked down at my plate. It turns out that my mom was cooking fish. It struck me as slightly ironic that we were eating something we were about to become. Dead fish.
I took my plate and went to sit by the window so that I could watch the wave still. As I sat down, idly chewing on a bit of fish, I saw that the wave had reached the mountains. The fish caught in my throat as I saw the mountains get swallowed by the wave. From a distance, the wave looked like it was the same size as the mountains, but up close, the mountains were miniscule. The wave didn't even slow as it went past. My fork fell from my hands as I stared out the window, my eyes even with the top of the wave. Suddenly, the flight instinct kicked in and I turned yelling to my mother.
"Grab onto something, NOW!"
She looked startled, but then she saw past me to the window. Almost too late, she grabbed onto the ornamental post that decorated the entrance into the kitchen. I had managed to grip the old fashioned radiator that was bolted to the floor just as the wave crashed into the structure. There was a giant shudder, and I saw my mother fall for a second before she was able to grab onto the pillar again. It seemed to be over before it even started. Once the shuddering stopped, I relinquished my anchoring and peered out the window. The wave was gone, but in the distance I could see another coming fast. The crater was completely flooded in, and the water was still rising as the next wave approached.
I knew that the next wave would flood the level my mother and I were on.
"We have to go higher mom, lets go" I commanded.
She let go of her pillar and came with me out the door of the room. To the left was a series of catwalks and stairs and ladders making their way up higher. For some reason, I hadn't noticed these when we'd arrived at the structure, but I thanked the gods now that they were there. We hurried over to the first ladder and started climbing.
Once we reached the top of that ladder and started along a catwalk towards a set of stairs, the next wave hit. Everything shuddered, and my mom almost lost her balance and fell off, but I was able to grab her in time. The shudder didn't last long and we continued on our way. I could feel the mist of the frothing water just below our current catwalk. Another wave was coming fast, not to far behind the last and I urged my mother to go faster.
The next wave got there just as we got to the top of yet another ladder. Thankfully we were high enough for the wave not to get us, but they were getting closer and closer.
We rushed along another catwalk to a ramp that went up to another catwalk. We came to a set of stairs that had been damaged. A few steps had crumbled and cracked and fallen away leaving one big cliff like step. Since I was stronger, and would be able to pull my mom up, I had her boost me up so I could get on top. It took awhile, but I was able to get up.
The delay proved to be very disastrous. I reached over the ledge and grabbed onto my mother's arms to pull her up. Just then then next wave hit. I watched my mothers face cringe in pain as the force of the wave and the icy cold water rushed into her. Her hands were torn from my grip as I watched her get swept away with the wave. I watched in horror as she tried to swim in vain as the under current pulled her under. The last I saw of her was a few splashes and a couple bubbles and then she was gone.
I cried out in anguish, but logic prevailed and I turned to ascend the rest of the ladders and stairs. But when I turned, I saw that the concussion of the last wave had destroyed everything else. I could go no further. I stood there on my little island of glass, the water rising above my ankles as the wind caused by the waves swept my hair. I stared at the next wave as it came rushing towards me. This one seemed to come slower, almost as if to taunt me. To laugh in my face. I could just imagine the water speaking.
"I'm going to enjoy this so much. That last one was so tasty"
I screamed in rage and anguish. A beastly roar. It was cut off as the wave crashed into me. I felt water rush down my throat for my mouth had been open. My arms and legs were numb instantly from the cold of the water. I couldn't even swim. I could feel bubbles rising along my face as the last of my breath was expelled. I felt myself being pulled under into the darkness. My conciousness fading away. Darkness. Nothing.
Tuesday, 19 May, 2009
Shazam!
The title of this entry doesn't really mean anything. I don't what this entry will be about yet, per ce, and so I just left the title as something random =P
So I got back from Abundant Springs yesterday, and today I leave for Alberta again, Sweet!
I hope the weather gets warm soon, this chill is getting annoying. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Right now I'm at Josh's place waiting for him and Heidi and Cole to get off work, and then we're leaving huzzah! I bought a bunch of snacks today, so that's cool.
Anyhow, that's all I have to say for now, so I'm done, thanks for reading. Expect a better entry later on.
So I got back from Abundant Springs yesterday, and today I leave for Alberta again, Sweet!
I hope the weather gets warm soon, this chill is getting annoying. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Right now I'm at Josh's place waiting for him and Heidi and Cole to get off work, and then we're leaving huzzah! I bought a bunch of snacks today, so that's cool.
Anyhow, that's all I have to say for now, so I'm done, thanks for reading. Expect a better entry later on.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)