| Score | Graph of Score | Spiritual Gift | Statement / Response | ||||
| 25 | ========================== | Music | 20 = 5 | 48 = 5 | 76 = 5 | 104 = 5 | 132 = 5 |
| 23 | ======================== | Helps | 12 = 5 | 40 = 5 | 68 = 3 | 96 = 5 | 124 = 5 |
| 23 | ======================== | Poverty | 22 = 3 | 50 = 5 | 78 = 5 | 106 = 5 | 134 = 5 |
| 21 | ====================== | Faith | 9 = 5 | 37 = 5 | 65 = 3 | 93 = 5 | 121 = 3 |
| 21 | ====================== | Encouragement | 6 = 5 | 34 = 5 | 62 = 1 | 90 = 5 | 118 = 5 |
| 21 | ====================== | Writing | 28 = 5 | 56 = 3 | 84 = 3 | 112 = 5 | 140 = 5 |
| 21 | ====================== | Craftsmanship | 4 = 5 | 32 = 1 | 60 = 5 | 88 = 5 | 116 = 5 |
| 19 | ==================== | Hospitality | 13 = 5 | 41 = 5 | 69 = 5 | 97 = 3 | 125 = 1 |
| 19 | ==================== | Wisdom | 27 = 5 | 55 = 3 | 83 = 3 | 111 = 5 | 139 = 3 |
| 19 | ==================== | Prophecy | 23 = 3 | 51 = 5 | 79 = 5 | 107 = 5 | 135 = 1 |
| 17 | ================== | Knowledge | 15 = 3 | 43 = 3 | 71 = 5 | 99 = 3 | 127 = 3 |
| 17 | ================== | Discernment | 5 = 5 | 33 = 3 | 61 = 3 | 89 = 3 | 117 = 3 |
| 17 | ================== | Evangelism | 7 = 5 | 35 = 1 | 63 = 1 | 91 = 5 | 119 = 5 |
| 17 | ================== | Giving | 10 = 3 | 38 = 3 | 66 = 1 | 94 = 5 | 122 = 5 |
| 15 | ================ | Healing | 11 = 3 | 39 = 5 | 67 = 3 | 95 = 3 | 123 = 1 |
| 14 | =============== | Mercy | 17 = 5 | 45 = 1 | 73 = 5 | 101 = 0 | 129 = 3 |
| 11 | ============ | Administration | 1 = 5 | 29 = 1 | 57 = 1 | 85 = 3 | 113 = 1 |
| 11 | ============ | Pastoring | 21 = 3 | 49 = 1 | 77 = 1 | 105 = 5 | 133 = 1 |
| 11 | ============ | Exhortation | 8 = 3 | 36 = 3 | 64 = 1 | 92 = 3 | 120 = 1 |
| 10 | =========== | Missionary | 19 = 5 | 47 = 0 | 75 = 1 | 103 = 3 | 131 = 1 |
| 9 | ========== | Miracles | 18 = 5 | 46 = 1 | 74 = 1 | 102 = 1 | 130 = 1 |
| 9 | ========== | Teaching | 24 = 1 | 52 = 1 | 80 = 3 | 108 = 3 | 136 = 1 |
| 7 | ======== | Leadership | 16 = 1 | 44 = 1 | 72 = 3 | 100 = 1 | 128 = 1 |
| 7 | ======== | Celibacy | 3 = 1 | 31 = 5 | 59 = 1 | 87 = 0 | 115 = 0 |
| 5 | ====== | Apostle | 2 = 1 | 30 = 1 | 58 = 1 | 86 = 1 | 114 = 1 |
| 4 | ===== | Intercession | 14 = 1 | 42 = 1 | 70 = 1 | 98 = 0 | 126 = 1 |
| 2 | === | TonguesInterpreting | 25 = 0 | 53 = 1 | 81 = 1 | 109 = 0 | 137 = 0 |
| 1 | == | TonguesSpeaking | 26 = 1 | 54 = 0 | 82 = 0 | 110 = 0 | 138 = 0 |
So my second highest gift is 'Helps'. I certainly don't get a chance to help with anything, so how can it be a gift? I guess its cause I WANT to help, I just never get a chance. I'm not surprised that music, craftmanship and writing are up there. That's some of the things i'm best at. Prophecy, Wisdom, Knowledge and Discernment kind of surprise me actually. I've never really though of myself as being 'wise'. I'm book smart mainly. As I like to say, I know a lot of things about a lot of things. But yah, anyhow, back to my point. I never really get to use any of those gifts except music. But yah, i can't think of anything more to 'ramble on' about in regards to this topic.
I'll tell you a story that this reminded me of. Or rather, one of the questions did. Something about other's seeing God in your life. I answered no, since I doubt anyone can see God in the things I do. However, this doubt was removed one time by a strange man on a bus. He was slightly mentally handicapped. In the winter of 2005, I got on this bus to go somewhere, and this man sits across from me and starts talking to me. He tells me of how his brother stole his yellow gameboy one time, but he wasn't getting mad because he'd stolen it from him first. It was kind of funny. Then it got wierd. He turns to me and is like 'You know why I'm telling you this, cause you're a christian. I know you got God in ya, so I can trust you'. IT BLEW ME AWAY!!!. This was a time in my life where things were getting rough, I wasn't having a good time with anything and I felt really low in my god walk. So to have a random stranger, just blurt this out, completely through me for a loop. I've been alot less doubtful of how I'm portraying myself since then. Oh man, I loved meeting random strangers on busses. I was chatting with this old lady at a bus stop once, and she just reaches into her purse and hands me some 6 cents of the price of gas coupons for Domo. She's like, here, I'll never use these. I only bus. I'm like, well I bus too, so I won't be able to use them. And she's like, well, just sell them to your friends at University then. If you work the math out right, you can make it worth their while, and still make money. Just do tha tmath. haha, I laughed. Or bussing through Osbourne Village. There are always such colourful people that get on. Very free and happy with themselves. I've always wondered how people can be so happy all the time. I mean, sure, it's understandable, I have my share of problems to make me unhappy, but those don't affect me THAT much. Why am I sad half the time? Is it that old friend DEPRESSION coming to call again? I wrote a song about my depression once, here's the lyrics for yourself to read.
Sometimes it feels
like I'm losing control
Succumbing to emotions
that are not really there
Even though I know,
that this pain is an illusion
I still have inclinations
of letting it all go
even though I know
that my future will be grand
I still can't shake this feeling
that nothing lies ahead
my world it seems bleak
my life has lost its color
my life has lost its purpose
now I simply exist
chorus
------
In this world of illusions
where emotions are not real
In this world of mass intrusion
where joy no longer reigns
where the light once shone so brightly
only darkness does remain
but brightly in the distance
there shines a light of hope
------
reality is seeping through
my brick wall of emotions
crumbling into dust
the hardened edges of my soul
I have never felt the truth
in oh so long a time
patiently I wait to see
if time will heal my wounds
A helping hand is all I need
to help my heart pull through
I turn to my oldest friend
he's always pulled me through
he took me to the water
and washed away my sin
now he's walking by my side
as I travel down this path
chorus
now as I sit here
pondering the present
my future seems so bright
while my past is bleak and dry
but ever ever farther
away it falls behind
until it settles in the dust
far gone from my mind
he is my hope I cling on tight
unwilling to let go
my future is my destiny
and he will lead the way
the darkness of my past will not
encroach into my life
for there he walks right by my side
with him I'm not alone
Some people think that depression is just about being sad. It's not just that. It's about being happy, mad, sad, glad, angry, confused, etc etc. You're every emotion, for no reason at all. For almost a month straight, I stayed locked up in my bedroom. Just using the internet. I would laugh for no reason, get mad at nothing, be anxious about everything, upset about nothing. I never really knew for sure what my true emotions were. It was horrible. This song basically talks about the beginning the middle and the end of this part of my life. I don't have any audio of this song however.
Well, I'm gonna end my ramble there since it's sort of petered out. I got distracted with other things and so my brain stopped thinking. Thanks for read =P Till tomorrow. I'm gonna try to post in this thing everyday for the rest of this month at least. Provided I still have internet =P
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