The sun is starting to shine and life is returning to more than just the trees and the grass. It seems like every year, winter puts me in a stupor, and with spring, I come out of it like a leave on a tree, budding from...well a bud lol. This year is gonna be great. I'm finally going to be making a step forward in my life instead of a step backward. I finally feel ready to move back out on my own. I'm planning on starting apartment searching in May, with the goal being that I move out end of May/Early Junish.
Getting out on my own sets a lot of plans in motion, but it will also prove to cause a few challenges. Like, if I'm living in the city, how will I get to church? Well, with patience, the solution will arise, I'm sure. Moving back into the city means I'll have more resources and time at my disposal. Instead of getting off work at 330, and not getting home till 6, I'll be getting off at 330 and getting home at 430 the latest. Meaning, I'll be home to make important phonecalls during businesses business hours lol.
I've finally matured financially. I'm able to save instead of spend, pay my bills first, instead of buy new stuff. It's key, really. When I first moved out on my own, I was so distracted by starting University, learning to live on my own kinda took a backseat, and by the time I figured it out, I was over my head. This time living at my mom's has helped me reach the surface, and get on dry land again. Ready for another plunge so to speak.
I really like where my guitar playing and song writing is taking me. I really do. I have been writing lots of songs lately, and I am gonna share one that I wrote last spring, and I actually have a weak recording of it.
Here's the lyrics. (Just ignore the chords, they aren't the actual ones)
Verse (DmDmAmG)
a hole in the wall
a fist to my head
a shuddering crash
as I'm flung to the floor
all of this pain
it seems so unfair
I need someplace to run
I need someplace to hide
And then someone came to me
shared with me your word
I was lifted up
I was given hope
Taken from that dark place
surrounded by your light
I started feeling awesome
I simply started feeling
prechorus(CAmEm)
I felt like I could do anything I wanted to
I felt like I had the whole world in my hands
I gave myself wings and tried to soar high
but you came
to set me straight
and I sank
chorus(CEmCEmCAmEm)
Deeper than the sea
You'll tear me down
Even from mount everest
you tear me down
I'm nothing Lord, I'm nothing Lord
compared to you
Our heads are getting bigger
thinking that we're in control
As great as I become
to the eyes of man
I'm nothing Lord, I'm nothing Lord
Please tear me down
=====
Verse
Lord, you revealed to me
just what I must do
help me to set forth
simply doing your will
Lord I'm not perfect
But I think I'm dang close
I bask in your glory
and walk in your word
the people they love me
they want to follow
the path I am leading
the path into heaven
Deep in my heart rots
sin, disgusting and vile
pride and envy inside
I was dirt in your eyes
prechorus 2
I was thinking I could do anything I wanted to
I was thinking I had the whole world in my hands
I was trying to fly higher on my self given wings
but you came
to set me straight
and I sank
chorus
bridge:EmCAmEm
Ruin me Lord, oh tear me down
So I may be lifted up
Break me Lord, oh tear me down
I am yours, your will be done.
And here is a link to the recording\
http://innovativedivergence.com/Songs/Tear%20Me%20Down.mp3
It sounds kinda wierd, but thats because I recorded this back when I was still figuring out how I wanted it to sound. It's a little more refined now, just haven't had a chance to rerecord it.
Tear Me Down, it's sort of a reflection of my young life. The start is a bit of an analogy about my younger life, about how I was beaten down, and then help came and I was lifted up, and eventually I started trying to go on my own without help, and I needed to be taken down a notch. The second part of the verses is about having gotten straight with my walk, but still trying to go about it on my own without him, and once again, needing to be taken down a notch. Compared to him, we're nothing, and the moment we start thinking we're something, we start going on that path towards trying to walk without him. Without him, you can't go anywhere, and anywhere you do get, is because of him. Without him we're weak, we're nothing.
