Seriously?

So, randomly I just remembered I never offered condolences to a past friend when theyre cat died. At the time, I thought I was the last person they'd wanna hear it from. Now i'm thinking maybe the gesture would have been appreciated. Its moot now, I can't undo that and Im sure its on the list of things that inevitably got me kicked out and subsequently defriended and excommunicated. All quite recently over a short span of time, like 9/10 months.  So I couldn't offer em now anyways. Its also been awhile, would probably just be weird and out of place lol since im probably the only one thinking about this.

So fucking stupid but im so stuck on it. If I'd followed what was normal and adult instead of doing my thing 'just in case the rules ARE different for me', maybe it could have stemmed the spiral to ruining her life. So many instances. I knew the normal thing to do, but I still went with the shitty childhood defense mechanism or assumption blah blah blah. 

I could go on for hours and paragraphs with every instance where I made the wrong choice and knew it. Im pathetic really. Like being trapped in a robot you cant control. All i had to fucking do was say 'hey yah i'll buy my own groceries but I have to wait till payday', instead of 'yah okay' and then a week of apologies cause even though you know its not the case, you still act like you'll be hated until you can follow through, 'just in case'. What the fuck Danny! What the fuck were you doing?

If anyone reads through past entries, you probably wont notice a different. Same shit for 10 years bah